As women, we are often served “fluff.” I don’t know if it is because we tend to make emotional decisions, or if we just think we aren’t smart enough, but when it comes to theology, we seem to stay on the surface. And as I’ve faced difficult seasons in my life, I’ve recognized that shallow Christianity can’t sustain me. Phylicia Masonheimer’s book, Stop Calling Me Beautiful: Finding Soul-Deep Strength in a Skin-Deep World, invites women to dive deeper.
Because we tend to dine on shallow theology, we often feel empty and purposeless. We struggle to find God’s will for our lives, and we are dissatisfied with our lots in life. And we search for our purpose, our tribe, and our worth in all the wrong places.
I first met Phylicia Masonheimer on Instagram and, shortly thereafter, I started listening to her podcast, “Verity.” After binge-listening to season 1, which discusses the chapters in her book, I knew I had to read it. And I am so glad I did!
“We are so sinful, so unable to bridge the gap between ourselves and a holy God, that He sent His Son to die on our behalf.” Chapter 1: Stop Calling Me Beautiful
Phylicia encourages us to recognize our sinfulness and its impact on us and those around us rather than seeking out pithy quotes that sound good but keep us at the shallow end. Once we recognize the problem, we can see how only Christ is the solution.
“Jesus was a theory more than a person. I read my Bible, but it was like I closed it on Him when I got up to go. I could defend Christianity intellectually, rationally, even emotionally, but God wasn’t real to me spiritually…As my eyes were opened to God’s character in the Bible, my entire outlook was transformed.”
Chapter before the First
Do you resonate with this quote? I do. I grew up in a missionary’s home and knew all of the “right” answers, but it wasn’t until adulthood that I took ownership of my faith and pursued a deep relationship with Christ.
Rather than tell you what I think of Phylicia’s book, I’m going to let the book speak for itself by listing some of my favorite quotes from each chapter. Remember that quotes should be read in context, so, if one of these quotes strikes you the wrong way, read the chapter that contains it for clarification before you make a judgement.
Chapter 1: Stop Calling Me Beautiful
“We’ve been sold a message of all comfort and no strength, and because of this, many of us find following Christ joyless, hard, and empty.”
“Self-focus is why so many Christian women are exhausted by the Christian life. Our attention is constantly being turned away from the One who could bring us real change.”
Chapter 3: A Tale of Two Women
Chapter 2: Hungry for More and Better
“A deeper spiritual life doesn’t happen by accident.”
“Our self-discovery is not God’s goal. We are meant to know God and make Him known.”
Chapter 3: A Tale of Two Women
“He invades the hardest places of our hearts to teach us the truth about abundant life.”
Chapter 4: Why the Instagram Bible Won’t Free You
“The guilt we struggle with when we miss a quiet time might not be so heavy if we didn’t add so much to something that should be so simple.”
“Our time spent with God should be focused on learning more about Him and in doing so, we will learn how to view ourselves.”
“Spiritual depth and maturity never happen by accident. They are always the product of intentional exposure to the heart and Spirit of God.”
“Coffee and Jesus are great. But at the end of the day, all you really need is Jesus. Don’t wait for the coffee—just come to Him.”
Chapter 5: Skirt Length and Bible Translations: Overcoming Legalism
“Legalism is any action added to the gospel in order to please God.”
“We can’t earn peace with God through the law; we choose holiness because we have His peace!”
Chapter 6: The Courage to Trust: Battling Anxiety and Overwhelm
“Rest for our souls is found in choosing trust when trust doesn’t make sense. We can do this not because our circumstances are ideal, but because our God is trustworthy.”
Chapter 4: Why the Instagram Bible Won’t Free You
“Every weapon we use against anxiety must start with who He is, because only then do we invite an objective perspective and power into our circumstances.”
Chapter 7: A Time to Weep: Grappling with Grief
“Our grief is known and carried. Our loss is not pointless.”
“Christian grief is all the pain and loss plus the presence of a loving and faithful God.”
Chapter 8: Used Goods: Redeeming a Broken Sexuality
“Our sexuality has kingdom purpose. Naturally, the enemy is after it. We fight back by trusting God’s love and goodness, even in the face of doubt.”
Chapter 9: Known and Wanted: Cultivating a Lasting Community
“Isolation might seem like an easy way to avoid conflict or pain, but it is one of the most foolish decisions we can make.”
“Loving God and others opens us up to a world of hurt—but it also opens us up to a life that matters.”
“We can’t always trust people, but we can always trust Him. He is our confidence and our healing, and He empowers us to have relationships that defy everything we’ve known before.”
Chapter 10: An Audience of One: Conquering Fear of Man
“A spirit of fear results in weakness, fakeness, and confusion. God’s Spirit leads us to a life of strength, kindness, and wisdom.”
“Our minds and hearts can’t be full of fear and love at the same time, because perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18).”
Chapter 11: Everything I Ever Did: Overcoming Shame
“When we allow our brokenness and shame to loom larger than Christ’s sacrifice, we’re submitting to an ungodly authority.”
“Your heart does not have the right to tell you who you are; God does.”
Chapter 12: What Difference Would We Make?
“Evangelism is our gift to the world: a testimony of what Jesus has done in our lives.”
“While we should be constantly maturing in faith, God doesn’t tell us to work on ourselves before walking out His call.”
You may be thinking this is “too deep” for you. I would just remind you that your personal relationship with Christ is just that: personal. No one else can develop that relationship for you. It is time to dig deeper, to go beyond the “fluff” and platitudes and discover what it means to know God.
Have you ever read a book or a blog post and felt like the author must have special access to your life? You felt like she just gets you? You realized she is speaking to the very things that have been troubling you? This was my experience with Alisha Illian’s Chasing Perfect: Peace and Purpose in the Exhausting Pursuit of Something Better.
In her non-preachy, relatable voice, Illian addresses the very things that are pulling us away from seeking an intimate relationship with God and shows us how even the good things in our lives can be used by the enemy and become idols in our hearts. But she doesn’t stop there. She gives very practical, actionable steps to overcome the lies of the enemy and pursue a life of godliness.
Not only do you feel like Illian knows you, but also you get to know her through the pages of Chasing Perfect. She shares the struggles she has had, is real about her progress, and opens the door to her life (apparently, her dog throws up often). And though you might not be dealing with the same struggles she has faced, you understand the correlation to your own issues and how to face them head-on.
The truth is it doesn’t matter what your struggles are. You may find you relate 100% to each issue Illian addresses, or you may find that you are polar opposites. But all of the answers boil down to one: Chase Jesus. Stop chasing the temporary pleasures of this world: the promotion, the perfect house, a large following on social media, the book deal, the perfect family. Chase Jesus, the one who created you, knows you, accepts you, loves you, disciplines you, comforts you, and died for you.
If you are feeling spent in the monotonous routine of your life; or you wish you had a place to belong; or you struggle to understand how your Bible reading should change you; or you want to know why you’re here, what your purpose is, I recommend you pick up Chasing Perfect. Check it out here.
I don’t know about you, but for me, it is so easy to justify the “almost right” in my life!
The truth is it isn’t that hard to choose between something good and something bad. It can, however, be difficult to choose between something good and something better. Because the “better” choice doesn’t always mean easier, more pleasant, more lucrative, or more fun, it doesn’t always seem to be better. But Lisa reminds us that the better choice is always Jesus, even when choosing Jesus brings humility, unpleasant consequences, or loss of relationships because choosing Jesus leads to peace, holiness, and wisdom.
Lisa stepped on my toes again and again, and I realized how deeply the message had penetrated when I encountered a “Jesus over Everything” choice recently:
One of the effects of the COVID lockdown, mask mandates, and cultural unrest has been a strain on my marriage. And one weekend, I had enough. Mark and I weren’t talking except to accomplish the daily routines. We weren’t saying goodbye as he left for work, acknowledging when the other walked in the room, or saying good night at the end of the day.
When Sunday dawned, I had already decided I wasn’t going to church. I didn’t want to sit in the pew next to him and pretend that everything was fine. After all, authenticity is the name of the game these days. As I got ready for the day, fully intending to put on my yoga pants and announce to my family that I would be watching the service online, I felt the nudge.
You know the nudge, right? The one that brings questions to mind where you have to justify your decisions? The one that you try to reason away?
Why do you go to church in the first place, Kelli?
What are you teaching your kids if you don’t go to church today?
What are you teaching them if you do go?
And trust me, I had all of the justifications ready! After all, I grew up in the church. There’s no place in Scripture where it says I have to go to church every time the doors are open. It’s legalistic to think that I have to go to every single service!
But that’s the beauty of a “Jesus over Everything” choice. It’s not about your justifications of the “good” thing; it’s about submitting to the “best” thing.
That’s when the Holy Spirit asked, “Who is taking first place in your reasoning?”
Ouch! There it was, the question that brought clarity. I wanted Mark to sit in that pew alone that day. I wanted to teach him a lesson and stay home sulking at the same time. I wanted to manipulate him into fighting it out with me. This wasn’t about legalism or even self-preservation. It was pride and selfishness.
Well, I went to church. I sat in the pew and watched Mark sit transfixed by the message. I didn’t pretend everything was fine, but I did feel my heart softening as I heard the Word preached. And by the time we left the church building that day, Mark and I were talking again.
What if I had settled for “almost right” instead of pursuing the “Jesus over Everything” choice? Only God knows what the outcome would have been, and I can honestly say I’m glad I don’t know.
Sister, I encourage you to read Lisa’s book. No matter where you are in your walk with the Lord, you will find applicable truth that will help you distinguish the “right” from the “almost right” in your life, too. And there is no telling what God will do with your life once you’ve chosen Jesus over everything!
If you want to learn more about how to study the Bible on your own, download my FREE workbook below.
If you’re like me, you have been listening and searching for good godly resources to learn how to navigate our current cultural climate. In that quest, I repeatedly came across Latasha Morrison’s book, Be the Bridge: Pursuing God’s Heart for Racial Reconciliation. This book was promoted and recommended by Christian leaders I trust and respect. And the title spoke to the very issue I was seeking: God’s perspective.
I approached the book with excitement and anticipation. Having grown up in another country and culture where my light-haired, light-eyed, light-skinned family stood out (we quite literally stood out; I remember being accused by one of my friends of slouching so I wouldn’t be so much taller than everyone else), I was anxious to understand how and when we had gone so wrong. How was it that we could all agree that Mr. George Floyd’s death was unequivocally wrong, yet that very event divided our country so dramatically? I was hoping to find an answer, a solution, a biblical perspective.
I had my hot tea in hand and was snuggled in my bed with my pillows propped up under me. I was in it! No interruptions, no notifications, no distractions. But as I started reading Be the Bridge, an unrest settled over me. Something wasn’t right. I began to realize this wasn’t a biblically-based, Christian book but was instead a culturally-driven book that contains Scripture within its pages.
I am a Christian first
As a believer who has gone on a journey of pursuing godliness, something has become very clear to me: When I became a Christian, my identity in Christ took precedence over every other identity I have.
Before I am a mom, I am a Christ-follower.
Before I am a wife, I am a Christ-follower.
Before I am a woman, I am a Christ-follower.
Before I am an American, I am a Christ-follower. And so on.
When I approach life from the perspective of being a daughter of God first, I can align my thoughts, words, and actions with Scripture and watch the pieces fall into place. But if I get my identity out of order, the filter through which I interpret life shifts. When my identity in Christ takes a back seat to my identity in anything else, I argue my positions from a worldly perspective and try to make Scripture fit that position. That is what I recognized in this book.
Morrison writes Be the Bridge as a black woman who happens to be a Christian, not as a Christian who happens to be a black woman.
Why is this a problem?
While there may be nothing wrong with following Morrison’s formula for racial reconciliation as laid out in Be the Bridge (though I would argue not all of the steps are biblical), the solution she presents is a secular solution that is firmly rooted in the current culture. Because the solution is not biblical, she must take Scripture out of context to make it fit the argument.
Some examples of this:
She quotes John 8:32 and other references about truth to support her argument that we must learn our nation’s “true” history. While I am in favor of hearing the untold stories of all ethnicities in our history, the Truth Scripture describes is not in the historical accuracy of America’s past but in the Gospel. The Truth that sets us free is the truth of Christ’s death on the cross to atone for our sin and His resurrection from the grave as He defeated death.
She cites the stories of Ezra and Daniel as they repented before the Lord on behalf of the entire nation of Israel during a time of judgment in Israel’s history to argue that white people should repent for the atrocities committed against minorities in American history. Ezra and Daniel lived during the time of a priesthood system established by God that was abolished when Christ became the final sacrifice. Now we have a personal and individual relationship with God, and while we can feel sorrow for the sins of another, we can’t repent on his behalf. And they repented before God, not before man, but Morrison indicates that the reader needs to demonstrate remorse and repentance before men, though it is unclear to which person(s) one would go to seek forgiveness.
Finally, she uses the Great Commission given in Matthew 28:18-20 to argue that, in an effort to accomplish God’s plan of racial reconciliation, we must reproduce her bridge-building groups. So she uses the Great Commission as an argument to go and make disciples, not for the cause of Christ, but for the cause of racial reconciliation.
These are just a few of the examples where Scripture is taken out of context to support a cultural expectation.
While I disagree with the overall premise of the book, I am glad I read it. It has given me a very clear picture of how cultural Marxism is infiltrating our churches. It is subtle because, on the surface, it looks like a biblical solution. It looks like loving your neighbor. But cultural Marxism can never be joined to a biblical argument successfully because it is an opposing worldview. More on this in a future post.
In Conclusion
The conclusion I have reached after reading this book, listening to so many contradictory voices, and researching the topic is that the solution will only come when we are changed from the inside out. Following someone’s prescribed steps without the transformative power of salvation and the clarity of Scripture will never satisfy. True change will only come as we grow closer to the One in Whose image we are created.
To learn more about how to study the Bible on your own so you can become a discerning reader, check out my FREE Bible study workbook: 6 Steps to Study the Bible on Your Own. You can download it here.
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Disclaimer: This is a review of the content of this book specifically. It is not a commentary on the author or anything else the author has written, said, or done.
“You were tailor-made, carefully crafted, minutely detailed for a selected divine agenda.”
There are some incredible historical accounts written on the pages of Scripture. And many times, it is easy for us to romanticize the lives of the people involved in those stories. The reality is that we generally simply get a snapshot of one event that takes place, and we don’t necessarily get a view of their lives day in and day out.
Nehemiah’s Vision
The book of Nehemiah shows us the time in Nehemiah’s life when God gave him a vision for Jerusalem and the Israelites. We get to see it from the beginning until the vision becomes a reality. In his book, Visioneering, Andy Stanley uses the book of Nehemiah to show us step-by-step how to live out the vision God places on our hearts.
“Visioneering is the course one follows to make dreams a reality.”
We’re reminded that our vision is not just ours, but it has been given to us by God, and it is only a small piece of the puzzle that is God’s overall plan.
“Your vision is simply an extension of his vision.”
Set Backs for Your Vision
Stanley reminds us that there will be critics just as Nehemiah had critics. He encourages us through the distractions, just as Nehemiah had to avoid the distractions. He brings to bear the importance of having moral authority, character, and integrity. Nehemiah’s enemies weren’t victorious because he lived what he preached.
“Nehemiah’s vision wasn’t so much about rebuilding a wall as it was about reestablishing a context for God to demonstrate his power and fulfill his promises to the nations.”
If God has given you a vision, and you can’t imagine how it will come to be, remember that, “You’re not responsible for figuring out how to pull off God’s vision for your life. You are responsible to do what you know to do, what you can do. And then you must wait.”
Success of Your Vision
Finally, be careful how you define success. Stanley points out that if we measure success based on completed visions, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. We need to reframe our definition of success.
“Success is remaining faithful to the process God has laid out for you.”
In God’s eyes, you are just as successful the moment you step out in faith to accomplish the vision as you are when that vision comes to be. Success is obedience regardless of the outcome.
Disclaimer: This is a review of the content of this book specifically. It is not a commentary on the author or anything else the author has written, said, or done.
Do you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach every time you see someone succeed? It might bejealousy, but more than likely it is related more to insecurity—that feeling that you should be further along in your own journey.
It seemed like everywhere I turned, I was being told to hustle harder, get there faster, and do more because that was the only way to succeed. But the harder I worked the less fulfilling everything felt, and I wasn’t making any progress. I knew I needed to stop the hustle, but I wasn’t sure how. Then I read Lara Casey’s book Cultivate: A Grace-Filled Guide to Growing an Intentional Life.
“I was tired of living in a state of lack—lack of time, lack of peace, lack of confidence, and lack of meaningful connections with people.”
In a world where we are pushed to be over-night successes (very unrealistic), Casey encourages us to cultivate our lives, taking it slowly, savoring the journey, and enjoying the moment. Instead of anticipating the next step, we should linger in our current season, soaking it up.
This doesn’t mean we do nothing, but it does mean we alter our perspectives and change our mindsets. We show up, we do the work, but we trust God for the results. And then we enjoy the journey as it unfolds.
Casey uses her personal story to walk the reader through the process of preparing the garden, digging in, and savoring the fruit. This is a process that takes time and requires patience—both of which are not promoted in our hustle-hard society. And yet they are what we really need to feel fulfilled in our day-to-day lives.
By stating the lies we’ve been told and confronting them with Truth, Casey demonstrates how fulfillment will come not from the worldly success we are told to chase, but from resting in the calling God has placed on our lives.
“Harvesting means noticing the fruit that God has grown in your life and doing something with it. But if you are rushed, or are constantly distracted by what isn’t growing, you’ll miss it.”
Honestly, this short blog post cannot do justice to this book. If you are looking for some direction for enjoying your life instead of constantly pushing for what is next, read this book. Because I read this book, my word of the year is Cultivate. I wanted the constant reminder so I wouldn’t fall back into my hustling ways.
